Mother's Day 1974

My focus for this blog is to tell a few life changing stories of which I have many. I don't know about you, but it has been my experience that life has a way of slapping you upside the head every now and then just to clear up what is really important in the big picture of things. That was so for me on Mother's Day in 1974. I was alone for the first time since I married in 1958, in the final steps of divorce. I had two young kids who were depending on me but I felt like my life was over. When I looked in the mirror I saw a fat old lady (33 years was over the hill) who had wasted my youth on a marriage that didn't work out. I was the supporting actor in that relationship – always in the background. Mrs. R., "Stage Wife", working as a dental assistant to support the family while Mr. R went to college to get a degree that would make our life better. I was depressed, yet relieved that a decision had been made.

It was just before Mother's day that the youth leader of our Methodist Youth Group called me. She said, "we need you to come on a retreat over the Mother's Day weekend and help chaperone the event." I said, I couldn't possibly leave my two little kids on Mother's day, but she kept after me and told me it would do me good. So reluctantly I asked Mr. R to take the kids for the weekend and I packed a few things for a weekend in a donated rental house in Neskowin located between Pacific City and Lincoln City on the Oregon Coast.

There's nothing like being around 12 or 15 teenagers to lift your sprits. They are so full of energy and enthusiasm for life. We played games – shared stories, walked on the beach and their joy shifted my attention to the big picture.

On Mother's Day morning, after breakfast when they invited me to join them to play on the beach, I declined. I needed to think. As I looked out over the beautiful blue pacific I thought to myself about all the amazing creatures that live in the sea. Many of them are enclosed in shells to protect themselves, only opening up long enough to take in their prey. I realized that's exactly what I was doing. Closing myself off from the world, to avoid being hurt again. As I looked from the hill top house down on the beach I saw a huge message carved in the beach. It must have stretched a quarter of a mile – in huge letters it said "We all love you Betty"!

In a flash I saw that I had always been the one to care for the family, to earn the living, to balance the check book, to cook the meals, to clean the house, to nurture the children, to volunteer at Hillcrest (detention school for girls at that time), to teach Sunday School, to lead groups of youth, to continue to learn. I made a decision at that moment that would be foundational in the rest of my life and I stood up and declared in a loud and proud voice "I AM". I can do anything I need to do in life. If the load is heavy, I may need to make many trips instead or one – but I can do it. "I AM" a special being, loved by many and now loved by myself. I will not hide from fear of being hurt – because I am capable of dealing with whatever comes my way. "I AM" was a place to start for the first time embracing the talents and the gifts that I have to share and loving life whatever it brings!